Dear America,

Let me be the first one to say that I love this country. But America, there are certain times when I question your decisions. For instance, this weekend, the number one movie at the box office was "Rush Hour 3." You forked over nearly $50 million in 3 days. At an average of $9 per ticket, that's over 4 million of you that saw this movie. Tell me, what were you thinking?

Now, America, I'm a rational man, I could forgive you if this was just a single incident. But it wasn't, was it? Let me refresh your memory.

March 5, 2007 I wake up on a Monday morning, ready to face the day. It was a beautiful spring day here in Chicago, and I could feel the vivacity in the air. I was on my way to work, perusing the paper, when I turned to the Entertainment section. Then I saw what you did. You spent $39 million that weekend to see the brilliant film "Wild Hogs." John Travolta, Tim Allen, Martin Lawrence, and William H Macy on a motorcycle trip across the country...in leather. Seriously...this was appealing? So appealing in fact, you decided to spend a total of $167 million supporting it. You make me sick.

As if that wasn't enough I remember last summer, I was in line to see the "Pirates of the Caribbean" sequel, and as I approached the marquee...I noticed that "Little Man" was sold out on 2 SCREENs! I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I turned to a couple people standing in line near me and asked them "Am I seeing things, or is 'Little Man' actually sold out?" To which they replied "Yeah man, I know. We have to see something else too." If it were legal I would have sterilized those two people right then and there, so they wouldn't continue to populate the world with bad decision making skills.

Here are a couple clues to let you know this movie was going to be horrible:
1st, Marlon Wayans (as a man playing a baby.)
2nd, Shawn Wayans (you remember "white chicks", don't you?)
3rd, if you recall from childhood, this movie's plot was actually portrayed wonderfully by Bugs Bunny in a Loony Toons piece. Of course Bugs Bunny (who is an animated character designed for the amusement of children, let me remind you) managed to tell the story in 8 minutes, not 109 minutes. 109 minutes of gut wrenching torture.

Even though IMDB has named this movie the 5th worst film of all time, you spent nearly $60 million to see it.

Now, America, I know that change is possible, but I also acknowledge that it won't happen over night. I'm sure you'll stumble a few more times, but I'm urging you to please stop seeing these movies. You're just giving the people in Hollywood an excuse to keep making them.

Sincerely,
Philthy